The Community in Communication

By | January 11, 2020

Dear Reader,

Today I wish to share some tools for increasing the communication process inspired by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, from their book The Space Between: The Point of Connection.

I consider the following ideas to be very powerful, especially if you can apply them on a regular basis. As I have learned throughout the years, the natural defense instincts our brain applies daily can only be calmed down through consciousness and applied awareness to our own thought mechanisms as well as the immediate consequent behaviors.

The idea of the book’s first chapter is that life means connection and that connection means life. So, how does connection feel like? Can you point to your body part where you actually feel the connection you have with a person? My question goes back to the challenge to map out how you wish to feel in 2020.

The main elements of communication are usually the communicator, the message and the receiver of the message. Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt describe as well the space between the two persons who communicate, a space that wears the energy signature of both persons, filled with their intention and emotions.

As you might have experienced at some point, our body and mind still feels fear and anxiety at different levels, depending on our surroundings, whether environment or mind pollution. These negative emotions can cause our mind to isolate itself, shutting down any communication from the outside or the inside.

Basic emotions: fear, joy, anger, happiness.

To be the receiver of a message implies listening to the message. Depending on the non-verbal elements used by the communicator, the receiver might start to feel subordinate, diminished. Hendrix and LaKelly Hunt point out that when the receiver switches to being the communicator, the roles tend to be switched as well. Switching from superior to subordinate roles during a communication process can fill that space in between with anxiety and fear emotions. That reduces the attention paid to the message itself because the afraid brain focuses on how to feel safe again.

Thus, Hendrix and LaKelly offer simple exercises to decrease and eliminate the tension that arises during communication processes, by using the tools of:

  • Mirroring: Repeat what your partner said, highlighting the involved feelings.
  • Validation: See the message from your partner’s perspective.
  • Empathy: Image what your partner was feeling during the communication process.
  • Zero negativity: Seeing the others through the lens of love. This way you can feel enthusiasm. Then, the brain can not feel any negativity.

Hendrix and LaKelly point out that we receive only 13% of the message communicated, in a stress-free environment. You can image that communication can become highly deficient if our mind is somewhere else when we are trying to engage in a communication process.

I see communication as a process because it involves several steps and most important paying attention to what happens during communication. Communication can be anything:

  • When our body aches, it signals an imbalance, even an emotion.
  • When our mind wonders, it signals emotions or fears.
  • When the air is polluted, the nature screams to protect it.
  • When the pet bells, it needs or wants something.
  • When our plant bends its leaves, it tells us it is thirsty, etc.
  • Communication comes in all forms and shapes.

I wish you many communication events filled with positive energy of attention, appreciation, acceptance and positive intentions! Pay attention to the community around you that makes communication possible.

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